I did it! My Vipassana experience: what ten days of silence did to me
Spending ten days in silence at a meditation centre sounds like a trend for ambitious spiritual people seeking meaning – or going through a midlife crisis. But anyone can do it – no matter your religious beliefs or meditation experience. I tried it, suffered and ultimately enjoyed it.
According to the Vipassana Association, Vipassana meditation – taught by SN Goenka – is said to have been practiced by Buddha around 2,500 years ago and is offered in 245 meditation centres worldwide (as of November 2024). The typical introductory course comprises ten days of around ten hours of meditation a day and «noble silence».
I’ve been interested in meditation for a long time. I’ve repeatedly tried to establish regular meditation practice with the help of one app or another – without lasting success. When I first heard about Vipassana, I was immediately hooked. Partly because I wanted to take on the challenge and partly because I really wanted to bring a little peace to my constantly whirring mind.
Step 1: securing a place!
I applied to several centres around the world because of the popularity of the donation-based system. Registration lists sometimes open in the middle of the night and are already full by the early hours of the morning. I had to list any health restrictions, explain my suitability and motivation and kept hoping for a place. I finally struck lucky in Nepal: my 10-day course began in Kathmandu on 1 July 2024.
Source: Ronja Magdziak
Day 0: and then all was quiet
I was really nervous. I travelled around India before the course and met several people who’d already completed a Vipassana course. They told me it was intense; worse than prison. Some wanted to escape. But everyone advised me to do it, saying it was «life-changing».
So, here I am, handing over my phone, writing materials and books – no distractions allowed. We’re allowed to talk to start with. Most of the 30 or so participants are here for the first time, like me, and a few are here for the second or even third time. We make our beds in large, separate men’s and women’s dormitories. After dinner, there’s a meditation session, then silence falls.
Maintaining what’s referred to as «noble silence» on a physical and mental level is intended to help keep your mind as «pure» as possible during the course and avoid developing any new positive or negative thoughts. In reasonable exceptional cases, however, you’re permitted to speak to the course leaders and teachers.
Day 1: the gong sounds at 4 a.m.
The gong becomes our constant companion. When we get up, when we start and end meditation, when we eat, when we sleep. The gong sets the rhythm; it communicates with us. At 4 a.m., it calls us out of bed for morning meditation. Getting up is surprisingly easy, but as soon as I sit down in the meditation hall, I’m just fighting to stay awake. Two hours of torture during which I fidget on my cushion, constantly drifting off into daydreams, and almost nod off again and again. The roaring recording of SN Goenka’s guttural singing announces the end of my ordeal and for the first time I ask myself: what am I actually doing here?
We creep to breakfast in silence, staring at the floor. The seats are arranged so we don’t sit opposite each other. There’s no eye contact. We eat in silence, wash up and continue meditating. We’re allowed to spend part of the next three-hour meditation in the dormitory. I fall asleep straight away. The remaining five hours of meditation of the day are just as unsuccessful. I’m frustrated.
Every evening, we watch recorded lectures by SN Goenka where he explains the philosophy behind Vipassana and the technique in more detail. His words are insightful and humorous, giving me renewed motivation and helping me to be more forgiving while urging sincerity and diligence.
Day 2: trying again
Today will be better, I tell myself as I sit back down on my meditation cushion at 4.30 a.m. At about 4.32 a.m., my weary head drops forward. Great. Day two’s barely better than day one. I’m motivated every time I sit down, but after a few minutes I lose concentration or just stay incredibly tired. The meal breaks are a relief. I became friends with one of the participants as soon as I arrived. I can clearly see the strain on her face too. I want to comfort her. It feels wrong not to be there for each other.
Day 3: the first low point
And it’s not getting any better. I’m less tired, but my thoughts keep drifting and I just can’t sit still. I’m starting to understand why people compare this experience to being in prison and want to escape. Quitting’s out of the question for me, but I’m starting to count down: 70 more hours of meditation to go…
Day 4: a new technique = a new chance
Until now, we’ve only been asked to concentrate on our in and out breaths. Today we’re introduced to «real» Vipassana meditation. We scan every part of our body from head to toe and are supposed to observe our sensations closely without reacting to them. Experimenting with advanced meditation is good and gives my head a new challenge. Even though my thoughts still wander far away, the day gives me a real motivational boost.
Source: Ronja Magdziak
Day 5: did I mention motivation?
In fact, morning meditation has become my best session and I’m getting better at resisting the constant urge to move, but I’m not really happy with myself. What’s wrong with me? I spend two hours thinking about whether I need a new summer dress instead of focusing on the sensations in my body.
Day 6: working hard
In the evening talks, SN Goenka stresses how valuable this time is and that we should make the most of this course. So, what am I doing? Planning the gift for a wedding I’m going to soon. I thought I’d be spending my ten days here thinking vital, deep thoughts; and yes, in some sessions, I analyse my relationship with my family or an argument with a friend. But big, eye-opening moments still aren’t happening.
Day 7: I’m strong
Today I managed to look at my thoughts and feelings from a distance, to let them pass and stay present. In the end, it was for maybe three out of the ten hours, but it went really well. It felt like a huge breakthrough. After these sessions, I feel like I’m on cloud nine and strong. Is this the «inner joy» that you’re supposed to experience? I don’t know, but it feels promising.
Day 8: who’s there for you when everything’s constantly changing?
After I finally manage to clear away the layers of everyday thoughts, more difficult thoughts come to me. SN Goenka repeatedly emphasises in his lectures that everything is transient, so holding on to things, people or feelings only creates suffering. But then it hits me like a tonne of bricks: why make an effort then? What’s left? And who’s there for me? But then a little voice from within me says: «I’m here for myself.» Suddenly I’m calm and full of confidence.
Day 9: couldn’t this have happened sooner?
Finally, things are going really well. I sit quietly during the meditation sessions. The gong announces the break before I get impatient. Even now, I sometimes sink into daydreaming, but that’s okay – at least I think it is. Meditating for two to three hours at a time is just tough. During the breaks, I always go for the same walk. Everything’s the same and peaceful. It could stay like this forever as far as I’m concerned.
Day 10: can I have the silence back, please?
Today the vow of silence is lifted. I run to the cook and confess my love to her because her food was my ray of hope in the hard daily routine of meditation. She doesn’t speak English, but I’m sure she understands me anyway.
Everything around me has turned into a beehive. The multiple voices, gestures and looks overwhelm me. It took less than ten minutes for me to want the silence back. I feel compelled to have a say and share successes and failures. But I’d rather withdraw again and shut out the noise. Now I long for silence.
Day 11: was it worth it?
Today we’re all leaving and will be left to face reality again. Meditation was out of the question for me after the silence ended. I could no longer find peace with the hustle and bustle around me returning. So, did the ten days of silence do me any good at all?
SN Goenka recommends practising Vipassana for at least two hours a day after the course. Ambitious participants actually manage to do this. I’m not one of them. Nevertheless, after two months back in Germany, I can feel how much of an effect this course has had on me. I’m much calmer and more controlled. I no longer get so worked up about train chaos or my unfriendly neighbour.
If you’d asked me on day five if it was worth it, my answer would have been «absolutely not.» Now I’m hoping to take another course in a year or two.
Header image: Ronja Magdziak
13 people like this article
Ronja Magdziak
Freie Autorin
ronja.magdziak@gmail.comFreelance writer, biologist and yoga teacher. Fascinated by nature, body and mind, I love spending time outdoors and being active. More than anything, I enjoy writing about things that make us feel good!
