It's all about the rhythm: How you can help your child sleep

Have you slept like a baby? Hopefully not. Newborn babies don't sleep that restfully. It's also clear when you consider that they still have to find their sleep-wake rhythm. For many children, this settles on its own at around six months. For others, it doesn't. They are dependent on external support to find and adjust their internal clock.

Tilja Tanner supports parents as a sleep coach. She recently spoke about her employees in an interview with Galaxus and emphasised how important the right sleep-wake rhythm is for small children.

But what does appropriate mean? And how do you get there? High time to take a closer look at this.

Tilja, what is a suitable sleep-wake cycle for a child?
Tilja Tanner: It can be different for every child. If the individual rhythm is right, it has a positive influence on the day and night. Conversely, an inappropriate rhythm is responsible for many problems during the day and at night. For example, it can cause you to spend a long time falling asleep, wake up frequently, have long periods of wakefulness or wake up early in the morning.

How do I find the right rhythm for us if my child has problems sleeping at night?If you want to change something about your sleep situation, the first step is to find out the right waking phases for your child. In other words, how long they can or must be awake between their daytime naps in order to sleep as well as possible afterwards.

This means that the waking phases during the day are the key to a restful night's sleep?
Yes, among other things. At the very least, the right waking phases can solve or improve many night-time problems. Or they don't arise in the first place. However, there are also children who are not so sensitive when it comes to their sleep-wake rhythm - they sleep well regardless of how they sleep during the day.

What happens during waking phases?
Sleep pressure is built up, which is then relieved or "slept off" during the following nap. Overall, however, a child also builds up sleep pressure throughout the day for the night - this is the reason why daytime sleep also has an effect on the night.

So if a child has difficulty falling asleep or sleeping through the night, is this due to too short a waking phase and too little sleep pressure?
Yes, this can be a possible reason.

What if the waking phase is too long and the sleep pressure is huge? Then falling asleep should actually work.
Many people think this, but it's not the case. The body then releases the stress hormone cortisol, which is known as fatigue. Here too, falling asleep can be very difficult and is often accompanied by crying. At night, fatigue can also manifest itself in frequent waking up or night-time waking phases. Or very early awakenings - but your child will not be rested.

Waking phases that are too short or too long are not ideal. However, my child actually gives me signs himself when he is tired. For example, by yawning and rubbing their eyes.
These signs of tiredness are not reliable for all children. Especially as they get older and become more aware of their surroundings, they can be distracted by tiredness and send these signs rather late. And conversely, others send the signs of tiredness when they are not yet tired enough. This also happens to us: when we are bored, we yawn. This is precisely why it's worth keeping an eye on the clock and the length of your waking phases in addition to the signs of tiredness.

What is a good length?
For most children, the waking phase works well if they fall asleep within 15 to 20 minutes. If your child needs longer, extend the waking phase in steps of 10 to 15 minutes.

Are all waking phases the same length?
No, the first waking phase of the day is usually the shortest. For the subsequent naps, a wake phase that is 30 minutes longer is often suitable. And the last waking phase before night-time sleep is the longest for many children with an additional 30 minutes.

How do the waking phases change with increasing age?
They become longer. Which also means that one nap after another is gradually eliminated. You can use the following table as a guide - although I would like to emphasise that such tables are only intended as a guide, they are always based on the average. And please note that the end of the waking phase is the time when your child falls asleep.

For most children, a day of 12 to 13 hours and a night of 11 to 12 hours works quite well. So if your child gets up at 7 a.m., the waking phases and naps during the day will probably result in a bedtime of around 7 to 8 p.m.

When would the waking and sleeping phases be? Can you give us a concrete example?
A child's day at eight months could look like this: It gets up at 7 a.m., then it is awake for two and a half hours - the shortest waking phase of the day. He then takes his first morning nap for an hour, after which he stays awake for three hours. The afternoon nap of one and a half hours is followed by an awake phase of three and a half hours, the longest of the day. Bedtime is then at 7.30 pm.

From my own experience, I know that if a nap is cancelled as the child gets older, the rhythm gets really mixed up. Getting a child through to the right time to sleep at night then becomes a challenge.
Indeed it is. That's also the reason why I don't recommend a fixed bedtime, but rather go by the waking phases. A power nap before bedtime can help. You wake your child up again after just 15 minutes, and due to the lack of deep sleep, they only need about half of the usual waking phase afterwards.

How long does it take to establish a new rhythm?
Finding a sleep-wake rhythm is a lengthy process. The internal clock is sluggish. In my coaching sessions, we take two weeks to do this. It's worth investing time here.

Is the wake-sleep rhythm the biggest factor in sleep problems in young children?
A big one. Other influencing factors are the parent-child relationship, rituals and routines, the daily routine, the sleeping environment and, of course, what a child has previously associated with sleep and regulation. However, a suitable rhythm is the basis for good and balanced sleep. And that is why it is always the first step in my coaching sessions. The families keep a log for five days, then we look at the whole thing together and work out a suitable rhythm. For many, this already brings a lot of relaxation. Getting enough sleep is a very important factor in developing well and getting through everyday life in a balanced way.

Tilja Tanner (37) is a certified sleep coach according to Bianca Niermann® and childcare specialist with years of experience in daycare centres. She lives with her husband and two sons in the canton of Bern.

This is the second article in a multi-part series with Tilja Tanner on the topic of child sleep. Do you have any comments or questions that you would like to clarify in the upcoming articles? Let us know in the comments or send me an email.